What is Forgiveness, Anyway?
Forgiveness. One word. Forgiveness. A word that can trigger a multitude of emotions.
I’ve struggled to write this post because forgiveness is universal, yet it’s meaning is very personal. It’s a word that can bring feelings of hope, or it can bring feelings of hopelessness. It’s a word that is tied to religious trauma for some, and for others, liberation. So what is forgiveness, anyway?
I will start by being honest, the answer to this question is deeply personal and unique to each person. And there is no right answer.
But one thing I am sure of, forgiveness does not require you to forget whatever initiated the consideration of forgiveness in the first place. I have heard so many times the phrase “just forgive and forget”, which is the quickest way to invalidate the emotions associated with the circumstances that might warrant forgiveness. I would like to offer an alternative.
Instead of associating forgiveness with forgetting (which makes it difficult to want to engage with forgiveness in the first place), what if we associate forgiveness with remembering. Replacing the forgetting with remembering, in the process of forgiveness, allows you to fully grieve and process the feelings of hurt, betrayal, disappointment, resentment, contempt, and any other emotions that make it difficult to move forward from the pain caused. By allowing yourself to move through these emotions, the result is an acceptance that is freeing. Not an acceptance of wrongdoing or hurt caused, but an acceptance of how the experiences, surrounding forgiveness, shape your story and your journey. This gives way to healing, liberation, and even reconciliation (in circumstances in which it is safe to do so).
Journal Prompts:
- How do you define forgiveness?
- What does it look like in your relationship with others?
- What about in your romantic relationship?
- What does forgiveness look like in your relationship with yourself?
